CATS & DOGS: REVENGE OF KITTY GALORE
Two of Seven Cows
Tasked with choosing between Charlie St. Cloud and Cats & Dogs: Revenge Of Kitty Galore I went into something of a brain freeze. Staring at the poster of the latter I feared I’d leave the theater no longer liking the one thing in this world I’ve always loved without reservation; dogs. Starring at the poster for the first I feared I’d leave the theater wanting to punch the first unnaturally handsome and wholesome teenage boy I saw in the face. Fearing the overload of wholesomeness suggested by the trailer for Charlie St. Cloud might send me fleeing for the exit, I chose to risk my one solid relationship. Sorry Rigby; you’re a good pooch but duty calls.
A thoroughly unnecessary and unrequested sequel to the first Cats & Dogs movie, which by all accounts was awful, Cats & Dogs: Revenge of Kitty Galore might be the worst kiddie movie ever. First, unlike a great movie with similar subject matter – the immensely entertaining Bolt – I never really got the impression that the writers knew, loved, or understood dogs. Whereas the writers of Bolt clearly loved the pooches, I couldn’t escape the impression that these writers got everything they know about dogs from Gravy Train commercials – complete with the over-emphasis on the doggy double-take as a comedic device.
Maybe the writers were cat people. As far as I’m concerned, cats are good for two things: Being chased by dogs, and making me sneeze. So, not only am I predisposed to disliking a movie where cats appear to be the intellectual superiors to by beloved dogs, but I refuse to entertain the notion of dogs and cats teaming up to fight an arch super-villain. It’s unnatural and I won’t stand for it. Dogs rule. Cat’s stink. End of story.
I realize I rail about this every time I go to see an animated film, so I’ll be brief. Chris O’Donnell, Bette Midler, Christina Applegate, Roger Moore, and Nick Nolte (oh how the mighty have fallen): Each cost a boatload of cash, and each could have been replaced with a talented voice actor and no one would have noticed. Seriously, aside from Nolte, which of these have a distinct enough voice to even be recognized? This waste of money will always baffle me.
If your kids are younger than five and you are in the early stages of a heat-induced coma, Cats & Dogs: Revenge of Kitty Galore might be an acceptable way to spend an afternoon. I suggest you see Despicable Me instead, or just rent the infinitely superior Bolt and stay home. I give this abomination two cows.
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