MOVIE REVIEW: CLASH OF THE TITANS

CLASH OF THE TITANS

Four of Seven Cows

This Easter weekend it’s tempting to ruminate on the death and resurrection of Christ and find in that the entire explanation for the rise of Christianity in the West. That’s all well and as it should be, but as Clash of the Titans illustrates Christianity’s rise was aided and abetted by another truth: The traditional religions of Greek and Roman mythology were, well… idiotic. Gods hurling lightning bolts and producing illegitimate children, all while squabbling amongst each other like some dysfunctional city council hardly has the aura of the divine. These gilded morons couldn’t run a condo association, let alone an entire world. No wonder the citizens of the Roman Empire were eager for something a little less comic-booky.

             

But, as usual, I digress. Clash of the Titans is the story of man’s war with the gods, led by Perseus, the half-son of a deadbeat dad named Zeus. Perseus is played by Sam Worthington, who does fine, while Zeus is played by Liam Neeson. Neeson annoys me in the same way as Harrison Ford, although if asked to explain why I’d be stumped. Both are handsome, talented actors whom I inexplicably wish to beat with a club. Ralph Fiennes plays Hades, which in ancient mythology is apparently a person and not a place, though still under-worldly and evil.

             

Anyhow, man is at war with the gods, which, unlike biblical confrontations between man and God lasts long enough to make a feature film of. I think Sodom and Gomorrah sort of illustrated the one-sided nature of such a contest, but in Clash of the Titans the humans have a shot.

             

What strikes me as odd, other than the silliness of the story, is that it is also fairly boring. One shouldn’t be nodding off during man’s great conflict with the gods, but alas I was. My biggest problem with fantasy-type movies is that when anything is possible then there really is no drama. Perseus is in a tight spot? Well, have a snake/boy appear out of the mist to rescue him, or have his sword turn into a pogo-stick. Yawn…

             

So, admittedly, Clash of the Titans is not my kind of movie. There were some things I liked: The women, few though they were, were fun to look at, and I’d really, really like to have one of those flying horses. With no sex or profanity it’s safe for the kiddies as well. Taking all of this into account I give Clash of the Titans four flying cows.