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Wednesday, June 8, 2011

MOVIE REVIEW: HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU

HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU
Two of Seven Cow





 
I arrived at the theater twenty minutes before the start of my intended movie, Valkyrie. I hate waiting, and while perusing the posters out front I saw one for He’s Just Not That Into You.
            
Now, I know it’s a chic-flick. I’m perfectly aware that going to see such a movie alone and male is a little, well, creepy. But this poster, adorned with the faces of Ginnifer Goodwin, Scarlett Johansson, Jennifer Aniston, Drew Barrymore and Jennifer Connelly, cast a spell. They’re all just so cute. They’re all so hip. I just wanted to pinch their little cheeks. They made the guys on the Valyrie poster look like a bunch of tired old Nazis, Tom Cruise included.  Best of all, it started fifteen minutes earlier than Valyrie so there was no waiting.
            
So I saw He’s Just Not That Into You and all I can say is this: I will die one day and with my last breath I will be begging God for these two hours back. For a movie purporting to expose the illusions women tell themselves about men and romance, He’s Just Not That Into You tells an awful lot of lies itself; everyone who’s anyone lives in Hipsterville, where everybody has perfect teeth and stylish cloths, expensive, professionally-decorated apartments, several gay friends to engage in girl-talk with, smoking is considered worse than infidelity, and no-one has any need for a real job to support all this hipness.
            
Sure, I could be describing every movie targeted at the twenty/thirty-something crowd, and thus would dearly love to lay waste to the entire genre. But then I’d also be torching some gems like Music and Lyrics, which is one of my favorite date movies of recent memory.
            
I could also do the whole “What’s wrong with you women? Why do you watch such trash?” bit, but I’m uncertain that our manly trash would compare favorably to this girly gunk. At least Drew Barrymore has made some good movies. What can we say to excuse the success of Vin Diesel?
            
So, instead I’ll trash us all. Why do we watch such garbage? Are we really this shallow? Slumdog Millionaire is in the theater. People tell me it’s good. It’s getting a ton of awards. It’s about India. Heck, it’s from India. In case you didn't know, that’s not here, which must mean something. Instead I’m watching fabulously beautiful hipster women going into contortions (if only that were true) trying to hook a man.
            
Can we, please, just all grow up? I’ll go first: The next foreign film to come to the theaters – and no, The Pink Panther doesn’t count – will be reviewed here. I promise. He’s Just Not That Into You gets two fashionably-dressed but shallow cows

1 comment:

  1. Black print on black background....awfuylly hard to read.

    ReplyDelete