MOVIE REVIEW: AN AMERICAN CAROL

Three of Seven Cows

I had intended to review Saw V this week, but after witnessing the mauling my Gators gave the Georgia Bulldogs I just didn’t have the stomach for it. One gruesome dismembering per evening, is my motto. My second choice was Appaloosa, but having missed the show time I was left with An American Carol. 

Made by the same people that brought us such comedic masterpieces as Naked Gun, Naked Gun 2, Naked Gun 3 –  well, you get the picture, it’s the Naked Gun guys – An American Carol is that rarest of Hollywood creations; a politically conservative, un-ashamedly patriotic comedy. As my grandfather used to say, “Well, that’s one in a row.”

A thoroughly goofy rewrite of A Christmas Carol, An American Carol replaces Scrooge with Michael Malone – a clone of lefty documentarian Michael Moore. Played by Keven Farley (brother of the late Chris Farley), the resemblance to the real Michael Moore is rather creepy. In this Carol it’s not Christmas that gets the “bah, humbug” treatment, but the Fourth of July, which Malone mounts a campaign to abolish.

I knew I couldn’t review this movie without my political bias showing, but so be it. That said, what amazed me was how odd it seemed to see the political left poked fun at for a change, and to see such unabashedly patriotic sentiment on the big screen. How is it that we don’t blink at an unending stream of plotlines from Hollywood in which America is the villain, but seeing a character express love for their country seems hopelessly corny and alien? What has happened to us that this would be so strange?

As refreshing as this turnabout may be, however, I can hardly say An American Carol is a good movie. Despite a promising (and surprising) cast, the acting is barely mediocre. Kelsey Grammer plays the ghost of General George Patton, and John Voight, Dennis Hopper and James Woods are among those making cameo appearances. Still, there’s no way around the infantile nature of the comedy. Funny in moments, this movie is dumb, dumb, dumb.

In a way I almost think it’s the duty of all right-thinking Americans to see this movie, just so Hollywood will not be able to continue pretending this market doesn’t exist. There are worse ways to spend a couple of hours – like watching an actual Michael Moore movie, for example – and you’ll go home knowing you’ve struck a blow for democracy, or something. I mean, maybe it’s not a good movie, but as a friend said as we were leaving the theater, “It’s the thought that counts.” I give An American Carol three red, white and blue cows.